TBT: 9 things i learned while studying for the bar with my husband

vince and i met in law school on the first day, were in the same class and graduated together. when the bar rolled around, we did that together too. everyone who had gone through the bar told us that it would be the worse experience of our lives, but we had no idea how hard it would be. we literally spent over 12 hours a day studying and the librarians definitely felt sorry for us. it wasn't all bad though because vince and i definitely grew a lot as a couple while we faced one of the most daunting task of our lives. we also had a legit study group that seriously prayed together, cried together, ate 3 meals together (see above study time) and yelled at each other when needed. shout out to them!!

ONE: food and sleep become luxuries. lack of food affected his mood. lack of sleep affected mine. therefore, our moods met in the middle and we were good. albeit, unpleasant but good since we were both a little funky.

TWO: crying is productive. i was the only one that cried, but whatever. i just didn’t have any emotional energy left. it was productive every time because it helped me get out my anger towards the bar and move on. cried like a boss!!

THREE: we study differently and that's okay. this was a big one, but once we (mainly i) became okay letting the other do it their way, things went really well. there is definitely a bigger lesson in that about marriage. my way isn't the only way or even the best way. needless to say, i'm a lot less picky about how stuff gets done now.

FOUR: eating endless snacks like beef jerky, chips, cookies, fruit snacks, juice and energy drinks, actually does make you gain weight.  who knew? there was no time to work out, so we packed on a few pounds.

FIVE: hygiene is optional. i did manage to shower and brush my teeth everyday, but that’s about it. my hair was transitioning from relaxed to natural, so i just let it ride. i wore the same pair of his sweatpants everyday for about one month and just changed my shirts. he pretty much let haircuts go because when/where was the time? there. was. no. time.

SIX: relationships get tested. we disappeared except for church on sundays, which kept us sane. we quite literally needed jesus ya’ll. i’m pretty sure people thought we had been olivia poped somehow, but we were yet alive; just in hibernation.

SEVEN: spending your 6-month anniversary in the library isn't lame at all. no one can tell me otherwise. and that's that.  (vince did an epic anniversary dance in the library that day...i wish i could post it.)

EIGHT: studying with a pregnant person is motivational. my friend was about 4 months pregnant when we started studying. she would come in with all her accoutrements (pregnancy pillow, snacks, headphones, additional pillow to prop her feet up) and zone in. i always wanted to quit, but i couldn’t really justify taking a nap when my very pregnant friend was killing the torts outline.

NINE: we absolutely learned how to persevere and endure together. we each had to play the role of coach when the other wanted to give in. we were both equally invested in the other's success for practical and emotional reasons, so we had to push each other. there was one question on the test that i just completely blanked on. i was losing time so i moved on. then, i realized that i may not have time to go back and all i heard in my head was vince saying "you have to play. at least show up and play! leave it all on the court." (pretty much all his metaphors involve basketball). and i wrote something...anything...whatever i could come up with. so even in the test, when we were sections apart, my husband was still encouraging me and helping me be the best i could. this may all sound cliche, but it was a big moment for me.


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