9/22/2015

What I Think It Really Means to be Married to Your Best Friend




i've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be married to your best friend. it's common nowadays for married people to refer to their spouse as their best friend. i think this is a great newish development since friendship really is the foundation of great relationships. however, i wonder if using the phrase so loosely and frequently sets unrealistic expectations for marriage. don't get me wrong, vince is unequivocally, my best friend. our little sister jokes that we are the same person. one of our first real bonding moments when we were dating was when we realized that we both loved bacon sandwiches. seriously, who knew? meant to be. however, it's not all sipping wine while eating bacon sandwiches and watching love jones. our best friendom was fortified with the everyday stuff and harder stuff not so much the easy stuff.

here are my 5 thoughts on what it really means to be married to your best friend:

ONE: it means you laugh at the small stuff. i mean really, who cares? neither one of you is going anywhere and a peaceful home is too important. no one wants to be living with someone who is always mad, frustrated and annoyed about small things or to constantly have to tip toe around. you prioritize peace over being right and get a lot of inside jokes and laughs in the meantime. one of ours is how he never watches a full movie. i could be annoyed but instead it's funny to us. vince, have you seen this movie? i saw half of it. won't ever not be funny.

TWO: it can be routine yet beautiful. friendships outside of marriage don't usually get into too much of a daily routine because not many people see their friends everyday. however, marriage can start to feel very routine because you usually do see each other everyday. one night, as we sat in bed, me reading, him listening to a sermon on his phone while chomping on a popsicle, i realized that this is what everyday love is. it is the ability to have endless smacking and chomping interrupt your quiet sacred reading and still feel affection for that person. it is gracious and simple. something similar to this happens most nights as we are about to go to bed. it's not rom com worthy but it is some of my favorite time. 

THREE: it means you both sacrifice big time. there are small sacrifices like sharing all your food (sorry men) or having to constantly tell someone where something is (why can't guys find anything ever?). however those aren't the kind i'm talking about.  the big ones aren't ordinary sacrifices. they are the ones that require you to pray to the entire trinity and use every iota of patience you have. you do it because their happiness is your own and you know that it is an investment in your spouse and your marriage. this requires grit. you just have to locate whatever stick-to-it-ness you have and use it up. 
FOUR: you choose to be uncomfortable at times for the sake of their happiness. what your spouse wants to do may stretch you beyond what feels safe. however, if it comes down to playing the game together or going it alone, you choose to do it afraid, together. the together part is what makes you feel capable even if you would've never imagined you had it in you. the work my husband feels called to demands that i fight through my natural shyness and awkwardness and engage strangers often. it's not easy but through practice, it's gotten better. i don't know that it will ever be easy for me but everytime i fight through it, i feel stronger. 

FIVE: you are completely exposed. even with our best friends, we usually hold some parts of ourselves just for us. however with your spouse all is laid bare over time. they know you better than anyone and can hurt you more than anyone. it's the risk you take but it's so worth it. i think there are desires that are fundamental to every person: to be loved and to be known. being known and still loved offers a security that can only be described as other worldly. i literally watched myself become more steeled in who i was, more confident and less fearful after we got married. it wasn't because i needed a man to feel good about myself or to complete me. it was because he knows me to my core and loves me to my core. i would choose this risk over and over again, everytime.

and yes, it's also all the rom com stuff: being weird together, laughing without saying a word, knowing each other's thoughts and reading a facial expression from across the room. i just happen to think the best friend part looks a little more gritty and a lot more beautiful. comment here and tell us what being married to your best friend means to you. 

-Meagz

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